


Perfectly Normal Regrets

by PeopleGoBoom



Series: Intelligible Villains [1]
Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Bad Parenting, Canon Compliant, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Regrets, the road to hell is paved with good intentions, which is no excuse
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-10-03
Updated: 2017-10-03
Packaged: 2019-01-08 14:15:17
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 826
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12256038
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PeopleGoBoom/pseuds/PeopleGoBoom
Summary: An intelligible but still as terrible Petunia regretting not having been hard enough on Harry.





	Perfectly Normal Regrets

**Author's Note:**

  * For [friedpossum](https://archiveofourown.org/users/friedpossum/gifts).



The morning the letter comes for Harry, Petunia Dursley knows she has failed. She has known for years, of course, but giving up never came easily to her, if it came to her at all. It doesn't come now either: Just because the freaks are attempting to contact Harry doesn't mean that he needs to read the letter. Vernon handed it to her on the way out the door, but what is she supposed to do with it? She will ask Vernon to burn it when he comes home from work, and that will be the end of that. Except… she still knows she has failed.

She has always known she was on a deadline. Ten years was what she would have. Ten years to set the boy right, ten years to stamp out the dangerous nonsense, to fight the future laid out by not just his first year of life but, according to Lily, by his very genes. Ten years to try to save him the way she failed to save her sister. She had been a child back then, she reminds herself, she can't blame herself for failing to save Lily, but as usual this does not help much, the self-blame remains, a constant murmur in her head even on the best of days. 

She should have been harder, she thinks, she should have done more. She should at least have refused to meet her brother-in-law those two times, if he could even be considered such – how lawful could a marriage be that took place outside society, she wonders, not for the first time. No, she should have not conceded an inch, because no matter what she tried to convey, every concession sent the message to Lily that Petunia somewhat accepted the horror. Oh, how she regrets shaking Potter's hand, even stiffly and with clear disapproval. Even after all these years she is utterly disgusted with herself for that moment of weakness. She should have tried harder, back then, been harder, but she had been so young back then. A bad excuse, she knows: She is older now, and yet she has not been hard enough, she has failed again. A roar of grief forces itself out of her throat, fills the hallway for a few long seconds before she wins back control. Did anyone hear? No, it's quiet, thank god. 

Yes, she has failed Harry like she failed her sister, she must accept that, she must face it. Has she, after all, tried her very best to stamp out the freakishness from her sister's son? She doesn't know for sure, but the proof is in the pudding, or rather, the letter in her hand. The summons has come for him, which means she hasn't been hard enough. Oh god, she should have given the boy some proper beatings, shouldn't she, or had Vernon do it. Let Vernon do it, rather, heaven knows he had wanted to often enough. She knew all along that maybe she was holding back on something that might have helped, and now she will never know. She has failed Harry the way she failed her sister. 

No one can deny her efforts with her nephew, certainly. She has disciplined him thoroughly after every disturbing manifestation of that, that strangeness, and she is perfectly certain she has sent the message as clear as day that normalcy is the only way to get accepted in her household, no exceptions. She has taught Harry not to ask questions, and in this at least she has had some success. She has had him work hard, which should help build moral fibre. She has been very demonstrative with her acceptance of Dudley, to show what could be Harry's if he would only stop the freakishness, but that has been hopeless. He has never even admitted to having anything to with the incidents, but Petunia has always known. She has meticulously kept the minds of both boys clear of the influences that might affect Harry, and not even fictional books mentioning supernatural things has crossed the threshold of her house. Harry had tried to smuggle in one of the Narnia books, but she'd had that burned. No one can deny her efforts, but efforts have not been enough, as the letter in her hand proves. 

The letters keep coming all week. Her food processor gets more use shredding letters than it has had in the last year doing what it is meant to do. The freaks are set on claiming their own, it seems, and there's no denying Harry is one of them. She has known for years she is attempting the impossible, but that's no excuse for failure. The enemy is powerful beyond comprehension, she has known that since they took Lily. The Dursleys have a car, the villains have heaven-knows-what, but giving up has never come easily to her. Sharp-voiced and rigid-moving she piles the children into the car. “Drive, Vernon!” she hisses.

**Author's Note:**

> Another intelligible HP villain, because apparently that's what I do.
> 
> For friedpossum, for encouraging this kind of thing.


End file.
